One of Our Own

     SSA Cindy Swales was watching the Goodyear Blimp slowly descend.  She was ready.  She had the arrest warrant, the suspect was approaching,  and when she arrived at the field, twenty agents were dispatched and NCIS.  The case was assigned to her that morning.  She was handed the warrant, ordered to make the arrest and worry about the details later. The suspect had been FBI for ten years, a soldier on the mission that took down Bin Laden.  She knew that meant he had special-ops training so the arrival of NCIS didn’t surprise her.  A question gnawed at her “Why the hell are we taking down one of our own?”

(Updated as per suggestions by Doug McIlroy.  Thank you Doug, it is better!)



  1. dmmacilroy said,

    June 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Dear Prosing,

    I felt you used ‘the supect’ too many times and that the ‘they’ who ordered the arrest was too vague, but the seeds of a great story are there. Keep on prosing.



  2. Linda said,

    June 9, 2012 at 8:14 am

    This has the makings of another series like ’24 Hours’ or ‘Homecoming’ – I’d love to find out more 🙂

  3. Kwadwo said,

    June 8, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    I wish there was no word limit to this story. I really want to know how it ends.

    Here’s my take:

    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      Not to worry Kwadwo, I may just develop this one. Thanks for the encouraging comment.

  4. elmowrites said,

    June 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Intriguing. I got a bit mixed up by the timeline – she has the warrant then it’s handed to her, for example – but I certainly wanted to read more.
    I’m over here:

    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm

      Let me clarify for you. The warrant was in her pocket, but she had received it in the morning with orders to arrest, not knowing anything else about the case except who the suspect was and some of his background.

  5. June 8, 2012 at 9:21 am

    I am intrigued. I love crime fiction/thriller genres. And I love this unique take on the prompt. Obviously the guy is beyond salvage. His presnce is a threat to the FBI and the US govt. My guess, of course. Well done. Mine is here:

  6. Sandra said,

    June 8, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Very intriguing – good guy turned bad? Or good agents turned bad?

  7. flyoverhere said,

    June 8, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Love the intrigue! Here is mine

  8. Kaitlin said,

    June 8, 2012 at 1:20 am

    Love it! At first it’s all buisness as usual and then you get the super interesting question. Great job.

    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 5:06 am

      Thanks for taking the time to comment Kaitlin! Loved your stow away story.

  9. June 7, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I want to know why “they” are targeting one of their own, too. Fallen from grace? Scapegoat? I’d like to read more of the story. Good job!


    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 5:07 am

      Thak you very much Virginia! So would I, I’ll be working on this one. I love a good crime story.

  10. rich said,

    June 7, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    unanswered questions make us want to find the answers. thanks.

    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 5:14 am

      Thanks Rich. I’ll have to work on getting the whole story within the 100 words. I see Boomie wrote a great one! Good for you for encouraging her! I couldn’t help jumping on that band wagon too. You’re a kind person!

      • rich said,

        June 8, 2012 at 5:45 am

        yeah, but what *kind* of person? not sure. varies.

      • Prosing On said,

        June 8, 2012 at 5:51 am

        Hey, I call ’em as I read ’em.

      • rich said,

        June 8, 2012 at 5:57 am

        well called.

    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 6:04 am

      I have been cautioned by my writing instructor that I shouldn’t leave the reader with unanswered questions. I’ll have to work on that. These 100 word challenges seems to feed that fault in my stories. I think/hope writing will always be a “work in progress”.

  11. Nifti said,

    June 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Ah, very nice. Different from most so far.

  12. boomiebol said,

    June 7, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    I enjoyed this reminds me of the story of some doctor guy that defrauded people and was a fugitive for years only to be found in the swiss alps…well done. So I finally tried one, please let me know what you thinki :).
    here’s the link-

  13. rochellewisoff said,

    June 7, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    LOL. I’m a huge NCIS fan. Fun stuff.
    Here’s mine.

  14. June 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Very good! I like this – I’m also wondering why they are taking him down….more to this story, perhaps? I’d love to know what he did 🙂 Here’s mine:

  15. June 7, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Yes, why? Very televisual. (I love watching NCIS) I want to see what happens and where this goes. Mine’s here:

    • Prosing On said,

      June 8, 2012 at 5:38 am

      Yes, I hesitated using NCIS for that “televisual” reason. I was going to use Military Police but NCIS counted as one word. Ah the sacrifices a writer makes. lol I loved Panther.

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